Do you feel as parents, that it is hard to know what to say to your struggling son or daughter?
Would you love to have some ideas on where to start?
As parents, we are not necessarily skilled in knowing what to say when our child is using substances.
At times in my past, I have found myself wondering, “If I had said something different, maybe my kids would not have struggled with drugs or alcohol.”
I have to remind myself that addiction doesn’t discriminate. Some kids were given everything they needed and more. They still went on to have a drug or alcohol problem.
Don’t we all wish there was a recipe we could use that would help our children be more willing to seek help?
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Still, our words can build self-esteem and empower kids at any point in their life.
You may wonder what to say to your struggling son or daughter that will have an impact. You may feel you are walking on eggshells when your child is in the midst of their substance use.
You may have heard as many parents have, that there is nothing you can do to help your child and that you need to let go.
As your kids grow they may forget what you said, but won’t forget how you made them feel. ~ Kevin Heath.
Studies have shown that parents do have an influence. You can make a difference.
Let your child know when they are struggling with substances, that you are still there for them. You will be waiting for them when they are ready to cross the bridge to recovery. Your support can give them the inner strength that they need to start a new life.
Here are some helpful things you can say when your child is struggling with drugs or alcohol. These seven messages are easy for parents to keep in mind and would be wonderful for any son or daughter to hear.
1. “I love you.”
We can change these three little words up in a variety of ways. Anyway, you say it, the basic “I love you” gets the message across at this critical time with no confusion.
I use every opportunity these days to add those three simple words at the end of every phone conversation and every goodbye. No matter what our age or our situation, we can never hear it enough. When you’re going through a rough patch, you need to hear “I love you” more than ever.
2. As parents, we can let our children know that we understand.”
We may not have expected our kids to take the path of drug and alcohol misuse. Yet, understanding why substance use made sense for them can go a long way. You will then have a deeper understanding of why your child felt the need to relieve their pain and numb their emotions.
By taking the time to understand, you become a source of help and guidance. Your child will know that you will be a support for them.
3. “How can I help?”
Offering to help is the greatest gift you can give your child. One caution is not to give money that your child could use for drugs or alcohol. Help can come in a variety of other forms. It is a question that gives your child the opportunity to consider what could help him change.
Think of ways that you can help that will give your child the chance to start again. You may offer to pay for counseling, in-house treatment, or for the first couple of months of a sober living home. If that is not possible, look for less costly treatment options.
Your child may not immediately decide to take you up on your offer of help. Yet, they will know that support is available when they are ready.
4. “I respect you.”
As your child struggles to make better choices, they need your love and respect. Everyone knows that the decisions they made were not good ones. Yet, you can appreciate the hard work that they have chosen to do to change their lives. It isn’t easy to stay in recovery. The temptation to return to old habits is always lingering in the wings.
Each morning, your child makes a new decision about what path he will take that day. It gets easier down the road, but it is a challenge for someone new to recovery. Kids that make healthy choices deserve our respect. Overcoming a substance use problem also merits our respect. You can help your child appreciate themselves once again.
5. “I will support your positive change.”
Give your son or daughter the message that you will support their long-term recovery. Their positive change is what you will stand behind. Think through each action you take to decide if you are being helpful or enabling
Acknowledging positive change is a good thing. Our kids have taken a detour in life. We need to do what we can to support their safe return by supporting their recovery.
It takes work and effort to change the negative cycle and start down a healthier path. Send a clear message of what you will and will not support going forward.
6. Parents and children can work together: “I’m on your side.”
Let your child know that this is a team effort. As parents, we came together to help each other find solutions when my daughter was ready to change her life. We both loved our daughter and wanted only the best for her.
Work together with your child and with those immediately affected. It helps if you are all moving in the same direction. It can make a difference. Putting aside any differences and collaborating as a family unit helps to move things forward to a better place.
7. “Don’t forget, you were meant to shine.”
I like the idea of reminding our kids that there is a greater purpose in their lives that is waiting for them. Fear can be what holds them back. When they peel back the layers, they too can find their greatness and shine. We all need to know that while we may stumble and fall, we can always get up and go on to be our best selves.
As parents, we can help our children change. What have you said to your child that you found to be helpful?
Thank you for reading. I know you have many options on content. Don’t forget to download my free ebook,“20 Tips To Help Motivate Your Child To Want Recovery.” Sign up now.
